”Why do you keep using yourself as a bad example?”

My mother read one of the earlier books I wrote. It was called something like ”Better relations at work”. In that I used myself as the person who made mistakes, and what I learned from them.
My mother asked me why I used myself as ”bad example”? 

Until them I hadn’t noticed this trait in my books. And my purpose with sharing shortcomings was not to push myself down, it was rather to use myself as an example, being a mirror to the reader, showing that I went from a to b, and learned something. Yes, that’s it, I showed a possible learning-process and also shifts in behavior.

One could say that using myself as example is bold, blunt, stupid, clever, lazy or smart. To me it was definitely smart, because I didn’t have to make interviews with other people, telling their stories. I mean I was the source and knew what had happened.

And today I am aware of that this has become a style, something that I often do. Using myself as a possible mirror, using myself sometimes as a potential role model.

And in all my books (all non-fiction) I am always there, somehow. Because I learn from other people, from their mistakes, and from their success. I learn how I can live my life in a way that really works for me. And I choose how personal the stories I tell am. I’m sort of in control.

And what I see is that people really can mirror themselves in my experiences. ”I recognize myself in what you tell…” This was so obvious when I had written ”Have you no shame - liberate your sexual power”, where I told my journey from shame to pleasure. 

And I actually don’t see myself as a bad example, as my mother stated in 2006. I use myself as an example. Period.

I see myself as a woman who has many things in common with others. I have not lived in an ashram, or climbed Kilimanjaro, or being part of a band. I married at 24, had my first child at 25, lived with my first husband for 17 years, living parts of the time in a big house… Well sort of ordinary. I pretended to be tough, and played that part, but was scared and hollow at the inside. And then I started my journey towards liberation. And it’s sort of that journey, that I picture in my books. And that journey is sometimes like walking on roses and sometimes on the spikes of the roses. I choose to see myself with stronger clarity, including my fears and shortcomings - and I described how I dealt with that.

And I guess that’s what I aim at as a love warrior. That we see the totality of ourselves, and embrace who we are. And if we are aware of our shadows, we don’t longer need to play them out. If I accept the shame, it doesn’t trigger so much. If I notice my arrogance, I don’t start blaming myself for it, I just get aware that the arrogance is present for a while, and I might even smile at it.

And it’s like I am trying to really sort out what I want to share with the world, how to make the love warrior tangible for me, so that I can start doing what I deep down long for. Spreading the message from the love warrior.  And what I see, more clear now, is sharing my experiences is really the core… (and then choosing what parts that might be helpful for others).

Reflections from your love warrior