Who are you? The most intimate question.

Ganthem, Gotland, August 19 2020. Three hours of Playful tantra workshop with 10 participants. All most all of them are new to tantra, and curious.

I’m leading my first playful tantra workshop since the pandemic started. 
I am a bit worried.
How can I follow the rules of social distancing in a tantric space?
I want to create a safe workshop.
So I do. Hardly no touching.
But intimacy is so much more than touch or sensuality. Intimacy is also being there, seeing each other, sharing from the depths of oneself, being vulnerable.

So I do an exercise I haven’t tried in a workshop of mine before. I do the ”Who are you”-exercise.

First of all, if you ask a person: ”Who are you”? It’s possible to answer on different levels. You might say your professions or your roles. And there is also a possibility to dig deeper. Just by stressing the words in different ways, you can see new aspects of the question.

What would you answer if i asked WHO are you?
What happens if I ask: Who ARE you?
And then: Who are YOU?

If you just pause for a moment, pronouncing these three questions, one at a time, you might explore something about yourself and your mindset. And I will not respond to them now, since that might bias your answer.

This question may tell yourself and the listener something about how you view yourself, what you ”count” as yourself, and maybe something about how you value yourself.

And the question is also a koan, a question without a definite answer, a question with a billion answers.

So what would happen if I repetedly ask you that question, and you were encouraged to answer differently each time.

My experience is that if you answer this question for at least five minutes, magic might happen.

So I sat up the exercise like this:

The group was divided into pairs. One of them was the person asking the question and the other one the person answering. Both keep eyecontact, and the person asking the question does not say anything except asking the question.

So the persons stand in front of each other.
The question is: Who are you?

The responding person gives ONE answer.

Who are you? The responding person gives ONE answer.

Repeat until the bell rings five minute later.

And then the persons go into silence for a while, having the eyes closed, just taking in the experience, remembering what is to remember, words, feelings emotions.

And then the switch happens. The person who asked the question turns into answering and vice versa.

And then, after a few minutes of silence, the persons share their experience with each other.

• What do you think would happen to you if you answer the question Who are you for 5-7 minutes?

• What do you think would happen to you when you witness another person answering the question?

The first time I did this magic happened… it was like my ego dissolved, and I saw something else…

And I might tell that later. But, what if you tried this, in all it’s depth and simplicity.

Ah, now you wonder how this exercise worked in the actual workshop. It was amazing. Amazing. And to feel how the energy in the room changed, as the participant went deeper into the question. 

Cecilie Nergaard is the owner of Inner Wisdom, and invited me to the beautiful island Gotland.

Message from your love warrior